Saturday, July 9, 2011

The Most Popular Infertility Questions

When people learn that you are trying to adopt, they often don’t ask many questions. And sometimes, the ones they do ask, even though I know they have the best intentions, are some of the most annoying. Not because of the questions, or the askers, but because people just aren't sure what else to say. It's ok, though, because we're here to help you out. So here is my list of the three most commonly asked questions when it comes to our infertility and adoption plans:

1) What kind of baby do you want?

My favorite answer is simple: HUMAN. Not that I have anything against puppies or kittens, I love my “fur-babies” (Sarah said I was supposed to call them that…I said I would but only in quotation marks). But when comes to adopting, I prefer to not have to worry about spaying or neutering a newest member of the family. Although Tyler, our boy dog, clearly knows it was on my mind when I adopted him. I suppose I would entertain the idea of an alien being, but I am sure Sarah would be against that. She’s just not that adventurous. In the end, I also have to say, “We really have no preference.”

2) Have you thought about (international adoption, domestic adoption, IVF, IUI, turkey basters, letting another guy have a go at your wife, etc)?

The short answer is, “Yes” to all of it. If you can imagine it, somewhere, somehow, one of us has brought it up. Once upon a time, like right before moving back to the U.S., we had saved over $35,000 in just a year. Saved, not earned, but saved. We spent nearly all of it in buying the house, furniture, a car, appliances and more when we moved to the U.S. We had spent another $20,000, or so (it was in Great Britain Pounds at the time) in IVF treatments and drugs. Two rounds failed and two of our embryos died during the thawing phase. It was sad. In fact it was one of the hardest things I think I’ve gone through to date. I was crushed, especially after the second attempt, and I think Sarah still only shares some of her emotions on the matter. Either way, if we’re going to fork over that kind of money again, we want a baby, dammit. Besides, call me old-fashioned if you must, but I refuse to let another guy have a go at my wife. Sorry, Sarah!

3) Which one of you is having the problem? (Usually worded more politely than that, but you get the gist.)

WELL, as it happens, the answer is yes but no. We are infertile, but individually we are not. Our doctors, two of them, that is, have both said that there is no reason we shouldn’t have gotten pregnant by now. They call it an “unexplained infertility.” I call it crap-tastic. You see, if it were me, it would suck tremendously, but I could accept it. I can’t fix what isn’t broken. To me, not having a reason is even worse than being the reason because there is absolutely nothing that you can do. If it were me, they could possibly prescribe a treatment, or procedure, or drug, to fix it, and the same holds for if it were Sarah, but when there is no reason…well, it just sucks.

Now, I know that kind of seems like whining, and it is, but the questions are only annoying because they are the same ones. No one asks me anything different like, “What kind of porn videos did they have to help you produce your ‘sample?’” or “What kind of name would you choose for your baby?” (assuming we can name he or she (on a side-note, I almost said assuming we can name “it” and Sarah would be really pissed to read that))…? I lost track of punctuation now.

In other words, don’t stop asking us questions, but feel free to mix it up. It helps keep us on our toes for when we have question-asking children. I just hope they never ask me “Daddy, where do babies come from?” because my answer might take a looooong time explain.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments. We’re pretty good, so far, about answering them!


kelly said...

there will come a day when u both will be pulling ur hair out coz there screaming round tescos or telling people when u had a poo how it smelt and pointing at odd looking people sayin "aahh scary" and ill be looking forward in reading the blogs then. ul both be great parents, it will happen befor u know it. xxxxx

Kirsten said...

Kelly.... they won't have time to blog.....!!!!

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